Home Girl Blog

Space Jam, Being Old and One-upping Siri

Seaux. I took Zack to see Space Jam eight weeks ago, according to my Instagram pic. I posted this on my personal Facebook page two weeks ago when it happened, but had to share it over here. So six weekd after watching Space Jam, why is he asking me a most random and a most awesome follow-up question so long after seeing the film?

Important: The movie website for Space Jam from 1996 is still up and has not been updated since 1996. If you're like me and were in college at the time when the Internet became a thing and you want to feel very old, take a look here.

Not sure why Warner Brothers allows this to stay online, but kinda happy they did. This is like a full-circle moment for me because my first website ever created, for a computer class in college, was "RAQUEL'S WORLD" (in all caps and so creative!) and featured Daffy Duck on my title page. It was complete with a rainbow sparkle background effect. I posted a throwback on Instagram just now as I'm writing this because I remembered that I had a photo! Also a full-circle moment because my husband, then boyfriend, is STILL helping me with my computer stuff 18 years later. 

#WaybackWendnesday because it's not #ThrowbackThursday and I want to post an old pic. The year is 1996. This is my boyfriend/husband (and his Bolivian roommates cigs) helping me with my first website, Raquel's World, for a class project because the Internet was just becoming a thing then and we we are old.

Anyway, so here's what happened...

Zack: Mom, what does diminutive (pronounced correctly) mean?

Me: How do you know that word?

Zack: Remember in Space Jam when those little aliens got off the ship and they showed his face and he said (doing a great Bugs Bunny impression), "Diminutive, ain't they?" What did that mean?

Me: (acting like this is a very normal thing to be happening right now) Yeah, I do remember that. He was making a comment about the aliens right?

Zack: Yeah.

Me: What do you think he meant? He saw them, and that was his first reaction. What do you think he could have meant just from looking at them the first time?

Zack: Well...they were really small...

Me: (hoping the used kids dictionary I bought contained the word because I NEEDED it to be in there to get my 6 year old to believe that this magic book of words is as awesome and more accessible than Siri) Hmmm. Let's look it up in the dictionary to see what diminutive means.

Zack gets dictionary, finds the D's, we figure out the spelling and eventually find it. He reads the definition, "very small", with so much excitement and I feed off it and fuel it with a high five and we talk about context clues and the awesomeness of the dictionary.

Buuuuuuut, we saw Space Jam a month and a half ago, and a grand total of one times. And this little boy gonna ask me about some diminutive, remember how it was used and gone pronounce it right on top of that? Whatever, Zack.

Also, naturally I'm going to try not to suck the fun out if his TV/movie watching by pulling out vocabulary words and incorporating them into his spelling and writing work for homeschool. I'll try not to suck the fun out of it, because it's totally happening.

Chupacabra

Zack discovered chupacabra. One of the guys on Phineus and Ferb said it to emphasize how bad something was (chupacabra bad) and Zack asked me what it meant. When I told him what it was, he asked to see a "non-scary" picture of one and I showed him this picture, which looks about as scary as one of the aliens on Ben 10 or in one of his Star Wars books:

He read all the imsets, then had to know more. I let him read about it on chupacabra wiki, and thought his curiosity would be satiated, but nope. He wants a book about chupacabra. *sigh* He is having a monster, zombie, scary things moment. He wants to know as much as possible about all of the above, including detailed physical descriptions, but doesn't want to SEE them. Is there a monster of legend that multiplies itself? I need this fascination to transfer onto something useful like math. O_O

Austin Steam Train

I followed my son and his friend around the Austin Steam Train today. They had loads of fun and no electronics were involved! Well, for them anyway. But I had to document this! It was old school fun on a very old train. 

For more details, dates and to buy tickets, visit Austin Steam Train online, here. 

Dedicated to Maya Angelou. She was here.

Source: Facebook

Maya Angelou left her mark on this world. Her legacy is forever--renewed each time someone opens one of her books for the first time. She was here.

Thank you, Ms. Angelou.

Beyoncé Is Not A Terrorist, etc.

I had never heard of Rev. Osagyefo Sekou or Truth-Out.org, and only read Crunk Feminist Collective's critique of some of his statements on Beyoncé and President Obama as well as those of Bell Hooks on Beyonce's Time magazine cover. If you want to read the compelling reaction to those comments as well as critiques on capitalism, aging black radical intellectuals, neoliberalism and the problem with lumping together Beyoncé and President Obama in the context of social power and influence, I highly recommend reading the full article over there. 

Clearly Beyoncé is a polarizing figure and folks understand the power of saying her name in an effort to be provocative. Bell Hooks paired two trigger words, "Beyoncé" and "Terrorist", which certainly got her name back into headlines. Not to say that was the motivation for her statement, but as the CFC piece infers, the fresh attention for an aging black radical intellectual can be exciting to the point of very public displays of hypocrisy:

"...if Bey is a terrorist, then how do you justify gleefully dancing to “Drunk In Love” shortly after saying such a thing about her?  Are you dancing on the graves of those whom she has supposedly slain with all her terroristic fierceness?"

Regardless of how you feel about Beyoncé, we can all agree that the mention of her name gets everyone's attention--at the very least, an eye-roll, which may have also had a lot to do with Time selecting her for it's cover in the first place.

As forever-fan and general defender of Beyoncé, and possibly a covert member of the Beygency, I was pleased with the CFC's articulation of what likely fuels most of the Beyoncé hate.

On the negative responses to Beyoncé's Time Cover:

"Maybe that means she’s complicit with whiteness, but it could also mean that like many of us, she is interested in all the ways she can be visually rendered. But when light-skinned women revel in their light-skinnedness, it triggers deep shit for Black women who struggle with colorism. And that’s tough because while it might be reasonable to demand that Beyoncé show some empathy for this cultural Black girl struggle, the reality is that she is as we say in the south “bright-skinned.” And she has the right to love her skin and revel in its possibilities, too."

On keeping Beyoncé's actual power in perspective:

"Beyoncé is an entertainer, who sings good songs and choreographs routines, so that we can dance and feel good and fuck well and talk shit with our friends or partners as we navigate our lives in this neoliberal, capitalist machine. She might be a bigger cog in the wheel than most of us, but she certainly ain’t driving the bike."

On Beyoncé's right to be a feminist:

"I work from the assumption that Beyoncé is a human being , not just an image or an icon. That is why her feminism doesn’t offend me. I see her adoption of the term as the work of a powerful woman in a very traditional relationship, looking for language to understand the power dynamics she encounters. I see the contradictory gender propositions in her catalogue of music as evidence of both struggle and process. But that is what granting her humanity allows for."

I think the Internet has created a climate where people crave passionate, polarizing exchanges and to be a part of something. They want to be on either side of whatever the current outrage is, so they look for reasons to insight outrage and hate, to express outrage or hate, or to express the need for less outrage or hate. Unlike Janet, Madonna, even Tina Turner and other sexually overt and liberated female entertainers, Beyoncé is the lucky one to come into power in the age of social media and I think that has impacted the Bey-hate movement. It's popular to hate Beyoncé if you're not a fan and those who need the comfort of an Internet tribe, join the haters. I digress. 

The Crunk Feminist Collective piece is a lot bigger than just Beyoncé and is definitely more important. It's worth a read or two (I'm on my second one because I'm not versed on many of the terms mentioned in the piece and I really want to understand), if you're interested in the well-informed, thought-provoking commentary. 

Motherhood Gives Gifts

It's great to get and give presents on Mothers Day, but Mothers Day gifts are, hands down the most redundant.

My Mothers Day was yesterday. I was eating sardines. Zack asked what I was eating and I said sardines. He examined them up close then he gave me this, the only gift I need...

"Sardines! Like that poem in Where The Sidewalk Ends! Do you remember? I'll show it to you." Then he went and got the book and showed me.

My six year old is referencing books in conversation over here. Happy Mothers Day to me.

Happy Mothers Day to everybody's mama and everybody who is a mama, especially all the wonderful moms in my life whose genes contributed to Zack's greatness. :-)

Mom vs SpongeBob SquarePants

We are a SpongeBob-free house. I think it's a loud, ugly cartoon and I am the mom and can choose so we don't watch it. My six year old, Zack, has seen the show. He saw it once on a cabin camping trip with friends a few years ago. There were multiple families there and I couldn't really control what was on the TV. The sound of the show and the fact that I couldn't control someting drove me nuts. Zack has a SpongeBob SquarePants book, and he loves the characters. I will buy him SpongeBob SuqarePants books until forever, but I hate that TV show.

As a homeschooler, I am always in hyper-teacher mode, so we have lots of conversations about challenging ourselves and learning from all of our experiences. One time I explained to Zack that whenever he learns something new, he gets another wrinkle in his brain. He thinks his dad is the smartest person on the planet (I kinda agree), so he frequently remarks how he's going to have as many brain wrinkles as dad one day. On his quest for brain wrinkle accumulation, he makes sure to do math problems (numerical and word problems) that challenge him and his rate of asking about the meaning of words and phrases has increased exponentially--and he's always noting the brain wrinkles. He's serious about his brain wrinkles. 

Recently when I was flipping through channels en route to Nick Jr., Zack saw the SpongeBob cartoon coming on and asked to watch it. I'd had a long day and was in no mood for a power struggle over a TV show because if he begged and asked me again right after I said no (which is what was going to happen), the TV was going to go off, and (confession) I needed him occupied while I took care of some very impotant business (taking a break from him). So I reached into my momma backpocket and used one of many valuable tools in my emergency sanity-saving kit.

Upon hearing the intro music to SpongeBob SquarePants...

Zack: MAuUUUUM! I REEEally wanna watch SpongeBob SquarePants can I watch it pleeeeeeeas?!

Me: Scientists researched and the results said that watching SpongeBob SquarePants shrinks your brain wrinkles.

Zack: You mean I would lose my brain wrinkles?

Me: Yep.

Zack: (shaking his head no franticly) No! Never mind, I do NOT want to lose my brain wrinkles. I work TOO HARD for those wrinkles.

Me: (shrugs) Ok. (pumps triumphant fist on the inside)

Does watching SpongeBob SquarePants really damage brain cells? Probably not. But it does drain every ounce of attention span that a child might need to access to function normally. That means fewer opportunities to rack up those brain wrinkles. So while I kinda did lie to him a little bit, it's still mostly true.

Most importantly, I won. 

I know it gets harder. Therefore, I consider this a glorious victory. 

Laguna Gloria Action Pack Adventures

Yesterday, Zack and I were invited to try out the Action Pack experience at Laguna Gloria. Laguna Gloria is an absoultely enchanting place, and now that the blue Action Packs are in the mix, kids who visit the grounds are in for an enriching adventure. I go into detail about our experience on the Do512Family blog here. Since you're here, enjoy our photos.

The villa.

Lupita Nyong'o Is PEOPLE's Most Beautiful!

Lupita Nyong'o has received another mainstream beauty stamp of approval. On the heels of the her becoming the newest face of Lancôme cosmetics, she has now been named People's Most Beautiful! The gatekeepers of beauty standards cntinue to give her shine and I am here for it--for the same reason she is!

She is undeniably, unapologetically smart and beautiful. Lupita gets it, and keeps giving us reasons to love and respect her.

Look what she said to People about her designation as Most Beautiful:

"It was exciting and just a major, major compliment," the 31-year-old says of gracing this year's cover. And especially, "I was happy for all the girls who would see me on [it] and feel a little more seen."

Born in Mexico and raised in Kenya, Nyong'o first equated beauty with what she saw on television: "Light skin and long, flowing, straight hair," she says. "Subconsciously you start to appreciate those things more than what you possess." Her mother, Dorothy, who is the managing director and head of PR for the Africa Cancer Foundation, "always said I was beautiful," Nyong'o adds. "And I finally believed her at some point."

Full story here.

Amen to all of this!

I Heart Children's Theatre

One of the things I love about children's theatre is the learning opportunities it presents. I took Zack to see Stories of Frog & Toad at Scottish Rite Theatre Sunday. On the drive home from the show, my son had so many questions about frogs and toads, and so many guesses about ways they might be different and ways they might be alike. Taking him to the show was not only entertainng (we heart live theatre), but was a great springboard for our homeschool science lesson this week! I'm also going to sneakily move our copy of a collection of stories of frog and toad to the top of his bedroom book pile and coincidentally notice that 'hey, we just saw this play the other day--wouldn't it be fun to read some of these?' I bought the book years ago, and maybe finally he'll show interest in reading one of my favorite classic storybooks.

Continue reading for my review of the show...

Homeschool Cam: LEGO's Oy! And Also Yay!

My son has always tinkered, but has never been interested in building anything according to specs. He has built simple exact models maybe twice in his six years of life. He has gotten LEGO sets for his birthdays over the years and has always stacked them in his closet. Today he wanted to "engineer something" so we pulled out one of his sets.

I really want him to learn things on his own as much as possible. In Brain Blast Academy (our homeschool) I usually give him instructions and tools and allow him to struggle and explore and learn on his own, intervening only when he has exhausted his own efforts and resources. So when he asked to build, I knew it would require all the patience I have within me and all the class time we had scheduled today.

I had him sort the pieces out by color. While he did that, I said a little silent prayer for patience. For real.

I had him remove the instructions and explained how to read and follow them. I talked him through pulling out pieces for the first step and assembling the first unit and had him talk me through the process and assemble the next one. He finished the third set of instructions alone in private. The space vehicle will be complete in twelve steps, and the three he did today took almost two hours. His fine motor skills are not the greatest, but getting better, but I'm happy to report that there were no tears during this very long process today, both our attitudes remained positive and he worked with his body at the table the whole time! All this is kinda major, y'all. This is a kid who would melt down because the the G he just wrote looks like a 6...full meltdown. So my little perfectionist worked almost two full hours on something new, made a hundred mistakes along the way and zero tears, zero sackcloths, zero ashes. So yeah, major. 

He understands that this whole process may take a couple of weeks to complete. My wish is that he will ask to work on it again soon without me having to prompt him. Then I'll know we're really entering a stage where he looks forward to challenging himself. We power through my assignments, but he really shines when his own internal spark fires. My kid does his best work when it's his own decision to work on something. 

It's really important to me that my son find and follow internal motivation to navigate through his own educational process. The way he worked today gives me real hope.

So homeschool today was play. Zack was really happy to play on a school day. He proudly announced that he was using math to figure out where the bricks were supposed to go because he had to count spaces, so he was actually learning and playing. I told him that was a great observation and thought to myself, boy, you have no idea how much you're really learning today.  

Follow our Homeschool Cam photo album on Facebook. 

Listen: Marsha Ambrosius- Fvck & Love

image from http://www.marshaambrosiusmusic.com

Just...

So dirty. Some music is just good for nothing but increasing the transmission of sexually trasmitted diseases and also potentially unwanted pregnancies. *And, secretly, I love it. 

*I totally do not support irresponsible sex practices, but this is clearly happening. 

A Kinda Judgy Post Blaming Moms For Their Boys Who Like Girl Stuff

In case y'all aren't familiar with the story, a nine year old boy in North Carolina was bullied for bringing a My Little Pony backpack to school to the point where the school asked him to no longer bring the backpack. That full story can be found here.

Every few months, we see stories like these where boys push gender norm limits--wearing pink dresses, for example. Every time I'm generally annoyed with the parents, who almost always have some kind of agenda of their own and make their kid the poster child for it. I feel 20% guilty for blaming the parents so hard, because as a parent, I know we're all just trying to do the best we can. Still, the other 80% of me is pissed because it's our jobs as parents to protect our kids, not put our social and political junk on them. This North Carolina mom totally threw her child to the wolves. Following are more of my thoughts on this. 

Five Friday Fabs From The Interweb

The Internet gave gifts this week. These are my favorites.

1. Beyoncé fans are the most talented. She posts videos of her fans being awesome on Facebook all the time. This one is just...just all of everything.

2. The POTUS and Zach Gallifianakis made internet magic this week on the latest episode of Between Two Ferns. POTUS got jokes. Also, I laughed out loud when Zach corrected Obama's dig with "horizontals". 

3. Jimmy Fallon consistently wins TV. 

 4. New music from Janelle Monae for Rio 2 Soundtrack came out this week. Love. 

5. Have You Heard Of The Hot New Vine Meme Called #Whaling? Check our BuzzFeed's collection of the most bizarre highlights from Vine here.

You're welcome,

Three Random Confessions of a House of Cards Binge Watcher

My first night watching House of Cards was a total accident. I already had insomnia and when I opened the iPad, the Netflix app was open. I switched it from Zack's profile to mine and House of Cards was staring me right in the face. I needed to watch something that I could fall asleep to. So I pressed play on episode 1 season 1. Then by 6:30 am, I was wondering what it said about me that I couldn't just tell Netflix to stop playing the next episode. For whatever reason, I lacked the ability to press pause or even just to close the iPad. I couldn't do it. Until 6:30 am. I have a definite problem, I'm convinced I have a problem, because I was up until at least 4 am the following nights doing the same damn thing! I'm glad Netflix releases complete seasons, because it's better for me to be sleep deprived for a few days than to be completely obsessed for months on end. I haven't known this feeling since Season 2.5 of Scandal before Pope and Associates stopped fixing things and the show became a soap opera. House of Cards filled a void for me that I didn't even know existed. It's such a smartly written show. The casting, the performances, the framing of the shots, the music, the storyline movement, the sub plots--every aspect of the show makes me feel like they know that I went to college! They know I can handle it all. They know I'm smart, or at least I use to be before I discovered that Nick Jr. was even a thing. I feel like I may have crossed over from regular fandom into something a bit more shameful (similar to my standom of Beyoncé) that I probably should not reveal completely to anybody because they just wouldn't get it. I always feel a little bit better though, when I share the tip of my fan iceberg with y'all and receive reassurance that I'm not alone. So, here are my three confessions.

1. Watching the show makes me wish I had someplace to go where I had to dress like I shop at Brooks Brothers.
   
   
2. I feel kinda silly watching every frame hoping that Congressman Frank Underwood would talk to the camera this time.
   
   
               gifs by by wifflegif.com
   
   The whole 45 minutes, whenever he starts walking or stops walking I'm like, please let this be it--talk to me, Francis! Like a puppy watching his owner eat a bacon sandwich just hoping a piece would fall to the floor. Kinda pathetic. 
   
   
3. Although she hasn't so far, I really want to hear from Claire Underwood, Frank's wife, performed by Robin Wright. Sidebar: Robin Wright is the only actress other than Cate Blanchett (if you saw her in Blue Jasmine, you know why she won the big Oscar for it and probably felt every ounce of her anxiety. I wanted to smoke a cigarette after leaving that movie and I don't even smoke!), who can spend a solid sixty seconds on screen in deep thought, creased forehead and rubbing her hands together and communicate more than most actresses can with sixty seconds worth of lines. If you need more proof than her performance on House of Cards, I give you, the Supermarket Scene from Nine Lives. Claire is always so composed and so deep in thought. Her internal world must be so rich and complex and I want in! Talk to us, Claire! Look at the camera and let us in, Claire! LET US IN!

Bonus Confession: I find Kevin Spacey to be very sexy. Blame 72% of that on his role in The Usual Suspects and just deal with the rest.

I'm a few episodes into season 2 and am trying to be more responsible with my viewing. I started watching the minute my son was in bed tonight and I'm stopping Netflix after the third episode plays. Three episodes a day is my limit. Hopefully I will stick with it. But it's almost 11 pm and my third episode is almost finished and it's ONLY 11 PM! That's SO early! But I'm going to close the iPad, go into the bathroom and examine the dark circles under my eyes and hope that convinces me to leave Netflix alone tonight. 

Did House of Cards take over anybody else's life? It can't be just me. Please don't let it just be me. 

My Mickey Mouse & Monsters Inc. Mashup Disney Side Home Celebration & Giveaway

So this happened. I was selected to participate in the Disney Side Home Celebration campaign. I received an awesome official Disney Traveler suitcase from sponsor, American Tourister. It's purple, my favorite color, which they learned when I filled out the application to be considered for the campaign, courtesy Mom Select via Blogalicious B-Link. It arrived full of everything I would need, thanks to Disney Parks, to throw a Mickey Mouse themed party as well as party favors for guests and a few other gifts por moi.

If y'all have learned anything about me over the years, you know that I was a reluctant Disney fan. I made sure to tell Disney Parks this on my application, so it's all good--we can talk like family. I didn't grow up on Disney. Wonder Woman, Looney Tunes (wait--is that Disney?) and The Smurfs were my jams. I've never been to Disneyland. I've never been into Disney princesses. The only Disney princess movies I have seen are The Little Mermaid and Mulan and I just watched Mulan a couple of years ago after me and my now six year old son read the book. I celebrated the first black Disney princess--haven't seen the film yet, but my son's first and favorite Leapster game (I won the Leapster 2 and the game at Blogolicious one year) is Princess and The Frog. My pre-parenthood Disney movie watching happened in college. Lion King and it's soundtrack are forever my Disney all time favorite everythings. Because I didn't grow up on Disney, when I had my son, I had no intention of growing him up on Disney. But one day he saw Lightening McQueen on something someplace and about a year after that saw him moving and talking on a television in kid care while I was at the gym and resistance was futile after that point. My son is a car fanatic (that is not an understatement) and since Cars came out and Wall-E and Pixar came into my sons realm of exposure, we have not missed a Disney beat. We did go to see Frozen and those sisters totally opened my heart to Disney Princess movies. So that's my history with Disney. 

When I received my suitcase with everything for a Mickey Mouse party, I knew I couldn't throw a Mickey Mouse party. So I thought to mix Mickey with Monster's Inc. because it was a cool mix of classic Diseny and modern Disney Pixar and the alliteration in Mickey Mouse & Monsters Inc. Mashup made for a good title on the evite and on this blog post. 

Created with images from Disney and Disney Pixar

Keep reading for a brief rundown of my Disney Side Home Celebration party elements and more details on how to enter my Disney Mickey and Minnie Art Memorabilia giveaway.

This post contains Amazon Affiliate links. Full disclosure statement in my sidebar. 

20 Children's Books Featuring Black Characters Every Child Should Read

Black History Month is over, but that doesn't mean we have to stop reading about the contributions of African Americans to our country. It does mean we should keep the conversation going. 

Last month, we probably had lots of conversations and classes about African Americans in historical contexts, but it's important to remember that we all have shared experiences everyday as Americans. Our children are so lucky--they are not privy to news headlines and media messages that don't always protray African Americans in the best light. All that stuff awaits them years down the road; for now, we get to head off all those messages with more realistic ones. All kids love puppies, are anxious about some aspect of school life, meet new babies for the first time and have best friends. Thousands of kids books confirm that. My son's growing library consists of lots of classics. He was an early reader and I was so busy buying the books on every must-read kids list that I failed to notice how absent his growing book collection was of reflections of himself. 

Following are just a few of the books I found, many of which I have read, others I can't wait to read and all of which I am thrilled to be sharing with you all today.  They are picture books, history books and chapter book series that will expertly diversify every child's book collection. 

This post contains Amazon Affiliate links. See Full Disclosure statement in my sidebar. 

I'm A Sapiosexual and I Know It

Sapiosexual (n)- a person who is sexually attracted to intelligence in others.

Just like any person with eyesight, I know how to appreciate the aesthetics of a good looking man. But I've never connected emotionally with looks. Just like any person, certain physical characteristics appeal to me more than others like dark skin, strong shoulders, hyper-masculine facial features like a strong nose, chin and brow bone, and full lips. That's a good start for me on any day, but it's not the most important thing.

I remember freshman year in college, my frends thinking I was crazy because I refused the affections of a very beautiful latino boy I went to high school with. They met him at the mall and when he found out they knew me, he told them how much he loved me and they later told me I was crazy for not giving him the time of day. He found out where I lived on campus and showed up several days in a row begging me to be his girlfriend. He was good-looking, but so what? He simply wasn't very bright. There was another boy in my homeroom class in high school who was really cute, but he didn't make very good grades and he just didn't sound intelligent when he spoke. He wrote me love letters with terrible grammatical errors almost daily and just made things worse for himself. He stole a kiss from me one day at our lockers and after that, he was basically dead to me.

At the time, I was crushing on my friend of mine from middle school. He was not attractive by any means to anybody, but I had the biggest crush on him. We rode the bus together in middle school and kept in touch during high school. I was so excited when I learned we would be in college together and we wasted no time memorizing each others' schedules and spending every free moment on campus together. He was oblivious. He was always the smartest boy in school, definitely the most interesting person I knew and I never wanted our conversations to end. Only two people knew how much I liked him. I never told him because he was a Jahovah's Witness and I knew that we could only be friends as long as I allowed him to witness to me. He told me so. We were together on campus so much that even the cafeteria staffers and campus custodians would ask if we were a couple. I was aware that we were an odd pair--I was super hot in college--but we weren't a couple. I wanted us to be and I think we reached that point in a friendship like ours where you clearly become boyfriend and girlfriend, and I think it scared him a lot. He was a strict Jahovah's Witness and there was no way we could continue to be such close friends after that.

After freshman year, he transferred to another school and we slowly fell out of touch. Two years later, my cousin, who went to school with him, told me that she told him how much I loved him. I was shocked and embarrassed, but relieved, because at least now he knew. I always worked in the campus library during college and right before graduation, he found me shelving books on the top floor--where he would find me freshman year when I was working and keep me company. It had been three years since I had seen him and I was all but engaged to my husband by that time, but when I saw him, books dropped, hands on mouth, hands over heart, screech, sprint, jump, hug. Neither one of us could stop smiling and laughing. He was actually handsome now! He was always taller than me, but was chubby before and now he was slim, revealing all the important bones in a man's face. His braces were off, revealing a great smile. He claimed he was at our library to find a book that wasn't on his campus, which I never bought because his school's library was way superior to ours. I knew he just wanted to see me, and to let me see his new handsome self. My friends never understood why I was so smitten with him, but he was SO smart! 

When I met my husband, my sophomore year in college, his freshman year, I knew he had joined some of our other friends from St. Vincent at college. When I met him, my first impression was wow, he really likes me. If we were cartoons, his tongue would have hit the ground and I'd have seen the the hearts in his eyes and the birds and stars flying around his head. His friends later confirmed that it was love at first sight. I was amused, but that's basically it. After a few more encounters and conversations, I learned that he was super smart in school back in St. Vincent and that's how he got to come to college here. He told me how he had never touched a computer back home, but knew he wanted to program them and so picked the hardest major in our very competitive Engineering program. I found I always left our conversations enriched somehow and having learned about something that I didn't know before. During those conversations, you would have seen the hearts in my eyes. I'd overhear him studying and talking in computer languages to his friends and it really turned me on. Even now, I joke about how happy I am when he decides to work from home because I get to eavesdrop on his computer programming phone calls that sound like a Star Trek language to me--it's like fore-foreplay. Between you and me, I think he purposefully talks extra loud to make sure I'm getting an ear-full. He knows what's good for him. I really like a man who knows a lot about one thing and a little bit about a lot of other things. When Beyoncé's Crazy in Love came out all I could say was amen when she said, "It's the way that you know what I thought I knew. It's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you..." He's SO smart! 

Once, I met a childhood friend of my husband who was even smarter than him and had gone to one of the best universities in the world and had double-majored in insanely hard subjects and had travelled the world and excelled in sports. I remember thinking he was just an all around superior human--physically and mentally exceptional. We all went out and I ended up sitting next to his friend at dinner and we talked (too much) the whole evening. He was SO smart! After dinner, I told my husband, I just met his competition and he'd better keep his friend away from me. I was joking but kinda serious and really glad we lived in different countries.

When I really realized my attraction to intelligence was really real, and was indeed a sexual attraction was this one time when my husband and I took Zack to a neurologist. Zack was 4 months old at the time. Due to an irregularity in his initial examination when he was born, we had been referred to a top pediatric neurosurgeon--in the country--from Duke--a black man--to take a look at Zack to see what next steps should be. I was already intrigued and impressed, then he came into the exam room. He addressed my husband mostly since I was, for the most part, dumbfounded. He began explaining what we were dealing with and the need for next steps and my husband was completing his sentences and conversing with this neurosurgeon and I saw a mutual respect emerge between them as the doctor realized my husband had actually paid attention in Biology or Anatomy or whatever and knew what he was talking about. I was in this small exam room sitting between two dark skinned, intelligent men tossing words and phrases around that I didn't completely follow and I started to sweat a little bit in my arm pits and other grown up places and they both became a swirling mass of big shoulders and strong noses and brains and I was literally turned on. Like, for real. I called my best friend after that visit to confess and we had a good laugh about it. 

When I found out that there was a new word to categorize me and that I was not alone, I felt a little less strange. I am a Sapiosexual. If I hadn't met my husband in college, I wonder if I would have trolled grad school happy hours for dates. I'm actually glad that the strongest part of my attraction to my husband (or guys before him) is not on the outside. When we met, I actually was not physically attracted to him. The more we talked and the bigger his chest and shoulders got, the more attracted I was to him inside and out. Although I do feel like I have won the husband lottery in those aspects, his appeal has always been intellectual. Looks fade, change, or can be altered in a minute.

Save the pretty face for somebody else, just give me them brains! 

What Does What You're Reading Say About Your Sex Life?

What you are reading (probably) has nothing to do with your sex life, but this is a fun thing to do. I saw it on Facebook and my reply was way too long to post on Facebook without looking like I have nothing better to do than play along with random Facebook games at seven o'clock at night when I do have better things to do like update my blog, which hasn't been updated since MLK Day.

This was fun.

So the pic says to open the book nearest you to page 45 and the first sentence explains your love life. Here's my answer:

"For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love. (Philemon 7)"

1. Awwww!
2. I had to google to make sure that Philemon was even a real book in the bible and I basically memorized the bible as a kid, so...
3. This is the first and last time y'all will see me quote the bible on here except I'm sure I must have posted "Jesus wept" at some point over the years.
4. I was sitting next to my husband's side of the bed. We're both cool with Jesus wanting us for sunbeams, but sunbeams come custom fit for people like my husband and they're rarely made like me. I'm more of a cumulus cloud type. If you got the Nirvana reference, you're probably a cumulus cloud type too. Twinkies! 
5. If I were sitting on my side of the bed, the response would have been:

"The White Way is practiced by most African Americans; it assumes that while society places undue burdens on young black men--police harassment, severe sentencing in juvenile courts, and low expectations for academic performance – it is basically "fair" to them, and if problems do arise, they can be solved within a system that is relatively stable and biased." 

If you're wondering what we are reading...

The book on my husband's side of the bed is The Love Dare, as featured in that Christian movie Fireproof (your marriage), which your church probably asked the married couples to watch together and discuss.

 

The book on my side is The Warrior Method: A Parent's Guide to Rearing Healthy Black Boys, which is a book you'd probably read if you're a parent of a black boy, but you'd only bring it up in discussions with people who don't need you to explain why you're reading it. 

So there. 

I'm not sure what these say about our love life, but if these books were the only things we left behind, whomever discovered them would find a pretty good representation of who we were.

What does what you're reading say about you? 

Martin Luther King, Jr. was here, but we're not there yet.

Note: I post this annually, but there's an important excerpt and update this time. 

Where ever you are today (well, not today-today, because we all come together for rallies and marches and speeches today, but I mean on a regular "today"), look around and there is a pretty good chance that, had it not been for Martin Luther King, Jr. (and granted, other leaders of the American civil rights movement), your surroundings might look a little bit different. Some folks' surroundings (especially in places down here in TX) haven't changed much at all. Some people are grateful for the changes, some are resentful. Either way, we have come a long way and still have a long way to go towards racial, social and gender equality in this country. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. understood that people were not going to change fast enough for the social climate to change back then. He got that we are a nation of laws (unfair as they were) and that it is more important to appeal to the courts (white as they were) than to the cold hearts of fellow Americans who were perfectly fine with the way things were. So they fought. And some laws changed. Today, the fight continues and the changes continue. As much as we would love to look to the White House, now inhabited by a black family, and say we are finally looking down from King's mountaintop , it is imperative that we recognize that we are not there yet. 

And that's OKAY. For every 60, 70, 80 year old black person still harboring resentment from growing up and living in perpetual nobodiness, there are just as many or more 60, 70, 80 year old white folks still harboring resentment for the laws that made it possible for blacks to be treated like human beings. And these black and white people have raised children and their friends have raised children, and have very likely imparted their beliefs of racial inferiority or superiority to those children. So for every 20, 30, 40 year old black person who achieves a measurable level of education and success, there are just as many or more 20,30, 40 year old white folks who think their own ability to achieve is threatened by affirmative action. White privilege is alive and very real. Racism is alive and very real. We have made great strides, but we are not there yet.

Here is an excerpt from an essay I ran across this week from Daily Kos. It talks about King's most important accomplishment and it has nothing to do with his speech or the march. The most poignant and powerful thing about this essay, which I encourage you to read in it's entirety, is that the person writing it was there. This wasn't that long ago. We're still in healing mode, as a nation, but especially as black people: 

"This is going to sound awful and perhaps a stain on my late father's memory, but when I was little, before the civil rights movement, my father taught me many, many humiliating practices in order to prevent the random, terroristic, berserk behavior of white people. The one I remember most is that when walking down the street in New York City side by side, hand in hand with my hero-father, if a white woman approached on the same sidewalk, I was to take off my hat and walk behind my father, because he had been taught in the south that black males for some reason were supposed to walk single file in the presence of any white lady. This was just one of many humiliating practices we were taught to prevent white people from going berserk. I remember a huge family reunion one August with my aunts and uncles and cousins gathered around my grandparent's vast breakfast table laden with food from the farm, and the state troopers drove up to the house with a car full of rifles and shotguns, and everyone went kind of weirdly blank. They put on the masks that black people used back then to not provoke white berserkness. My strong, valiant, self educated, articulate uncles, whom I adored, became shuffling, Step-N-Fetchits to avoid provoking the white men. Fortunately the troopers were only looking for an escaped convict. Afterward, the women, my aunts, were furious at the humiliating performance of the men, and said so, something that even a child could understand." Full Essay Here. 

There might be a mountaintop up there, but we have not seen it. A few more generations from now, maybe hearts and minds will catch up with the laws and there might actually be racial, social and gender equality in the United States. Hope is enough for politicians and activists and citizens to keep fighting and winning awesome, small battles that amount to awesome, big changes. Hope is good for movement and growth and momentum. 

I said all that to say that laws change overnight. People, intellectual values and grand sweeping ideas on race and equality do not. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best,  "It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

I'm just sayin'.

I Am Really Into The Hunger Games

I could have titled this post 'I'm Obsessed With Hunger Games', but that would imply that my deep interest is completely out of my control, but it is not because I can stop whenever I want. Hunger Games was my introduction to dystopian fiction. Immediately after I finished the trilogy, I googled and took the advice of a friend and "read" Divergent. The quotation marks are because I finished the whole trilogy via audio book in like three days, which means I did nothing else with my life during that time other than make sure my son didn't starve. We're gonna talk about Divergent later, because if Hunger Games is my boo, then Divergent is my side-boo.

At first I had decided not to blog about my love for all things Hunger Games--the books, films and actors, but I figure it's better to let it out in small doses than keep it bottled up inside, in which case, it would surely explode into some extreme fan rant of a post that might leave you guys thinking I need some kind of intervention. So instead, I'll post little Hunger Games love nuggets throughout the year like the fact that I'm planning to knit the cowl Katniss Everdeen wears in the opening scene of Catching Fire so I can wear it on Halloween when I will be Katniss Everdeen.

Spoiler Alert

If you haven't read the books and want to hold out for the last film in 2015 to find out how it ends (are you human?!) then stop reading now. Skip the next paragraph. 

If I become pregnant this year and am showing by Halloween, I will still knit the cowl, but will draw inspiration for my costume from Katniss as The Mockingjay and will be pregnant Katniss (she has Peeta's babies and they live happily ever after) this year, and Catching Fire Katniss with the cowl next Halloween. I can't be Catching Fire Katniss because I want to do a fan photo shoot dressed as her and I don't want a baby bump to be distracting. I digress--and have probably shared way too much already. 

End Spoiler Alert

I'm also probably going to be one of those crazy adult fans of these books for teenagers who gets tattoos inspired by them. I already know the quote and design I want from Hunger Games book 1, and am currently talking myself out of getting the ravens from Divergent. I'll try to keep most of my HG worship on my Pinterest board where I browse and pin items in bed during bouts of insomnia and dropping my iPhone on my face. In between the posts and pins and re-watching the movies and cast interviews on youtube, I'll keep my husband shaking his head as I knit my cowl, or hunt (pun intended) for perfect lace-up leather boots in my size for my Halloween Katniss, or watch Hunger Games for the fiftyleventh time on Netflix or make awesome observations like this one from a couple of weeks ago...

I saw this tree when we were hanging out in a park in our community. 

When we started walking through the trees, almost under my breath, I was like, "This reminds me of Hunger Games." Then a few moments later, we passed this tree. The second I saw it, I jumped a little bit and was like, "OMG, that's the PERfect spot to stash a bow and arrows!" I said this while looking at the tree in total shock and turned to my husband with my shock-face who just shook his head and agreed with me in an amused yet very unimpressed manner. That's the day I started my Pinterest board because much like my standom of Beyoncé, I can only share my in-person Hunger Games excitement with fans who are equally or more excited than I am. Since I'm different from my friends, that just leaves the fan sites. 

I could go on, but I'll spare you. Also, I won't close this post with Happy Hunger Games and may the odds be ever in your favor, but at least I got to write it right there. 

Until next time, 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I'm going to enjoy the next few days napping as much as possible and doing everything else in between meals and trips to the bathroom. 

Thanks so much for reading Home Girl Blog in 2013! 

See y'all in 2014! 

My Son Still Kinda Refuses To Not Believe In Santa

*Update* Zack still kinda doesn't believe and periodically asks, just to be sure, "Mom? Santa isn't real right? So, even if I'm not good sometimes, he really doesn't have a naughty list or anything like that, right?" 

Originally posted on Christmas Day 2011... 

Call me a grinch, but I don't want my son to believe in Santa. It is a waste of time, and feels like a terrible, drawn out practical joke. One day, he will find out that it was all a lie and what good does the whole believing in Santa thing do anyway. 

A few weeks ago I saw the Mission Impossible meets Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer film Arthur Christmas with my almost 4 year-old. It is an awesome little movie about how Santa and his elves get gifts under children's trees on Christmas Eve. That is how my son learned about Santa. A few days before Christmas, he asked me if Santa was going to bring his gifts through our fireplace while he was sleeping. Our conversation went something like this:

Him: Mom, will Santa bring my presents and put them under the tree while I'm sleeping on Christmas Eve so when I wake up I will see them and be happy?

Me: Well. Actually, mom and dad buy your gifts, wrap them up and put them under the tree. Santa is just pretend. You know, like Batman and Little Bill? Just pretend. So, he can't bring your presents because he's not real. 

Him: But mo'om! I LOVE Santa! I want Santa to bring my presents! 

Me: But he's just pretend, remember? 

Him: No, mom, I WANT SANTA! 

Me: Mmmkaaaaay? Ok. 

Him: *pumps fist* Yes! 

I tried. I guess I could have continued to try to convince him, but he was so insistent and I am not a monster. So I gave up, and let him have his not-pretend Santa. Unbeknownst to me at the time, not-pretend Santa would come in handy during the days leading up to Christmas. 

We are Christians, and are teaching our son about Jesus. I could talk about how confusing the concept of real Jesus/fake Santa is to a 3 year-old, but I'm not an expert on the topic.  My son, however displayed his depth of understanding at one point when he did proclaim that if Santa was pretend then Jesus was pretend too, because they're both "watching" (wink-wink) to see when I'm bad. My husband, who is a closer friend to Jesus than me, almost had a heart attack and tried explaining that Jesus is in fact real and that Christmas is his birthday...at which point my son said he wanted to give Jesus a race car for his birthday. And if Jesus is real and cares for him, then Jesus and Santa must be friends. So. I digress.

I must give props to not-pretend Santa because he did a much better job than mommy, daddy, and Jesus combined to get my son to walk the straight and narrow. I did not have to ask him twice to do anything! The first time I witnessed Santa's power was when Zack refused to take his nap...

Me: Zack, come into your room, it's time to rest up so you'll have energy for later.

Him: I have lots of energy! I don't WANT to take. my. nap. 

Me: Hmmm. I bet if I call Santa (because all parents have Santa's cell phone number), he wouldn't be to happy with your behavior right now. 

Him: NO! (He runs into the room.) Mommy, don't call Santa! Let's try again! (He leaves the room.) Ok mom, NOW tell me it's nap time again! (I did)...

Him: OKAAAY MOOOOM! (Runs into room and dives into bed. Score 1 for Santa)

For two whole days, Santa was my homeboy. How many times did I say, "Do I need to call Santa to tell him how you're behaving right now?"  Sometimes, when Zack would slip up, he would stop and say, "Um. Santa wouldn't like that too much, huh?"  Not-pretend Santa had my son, self-correcting! For one second, I was tempted to get an Elf on The Shelf--you know the little doll that looses it's magical powers if touched by a child and keeps an eye on the kids, comes to life and reports to Santa at night while everyone is asleep and moves to a different location in the house every day? The good-behavior payoff would be incredible, but to keep that up for a whole year would be kind of evil and ultimately, very creepy. 

I don't know what I'm gonna do after Christmas. #JudgeMe for using not-pretend Santa to my advantage, but I was drunk with power. Knowing my son, this puts a bit of a wrench in our 'behave well to please God and Jesus' thing. Zack is sure to question why Santa can't be real like Jesus, but he is just three years old. He has plenty of time decide what he's going to believe, but please, Dear Santa and Jesus, let him believe in Santa for the next 364 days. At least! Thanks and Amen. lol

Do you encourage your child to believe in Santa? Has it interfered at all if you're also teaching them about Jesus?

Pantene Pro-V Giveaway Winner + My Inspired Style Revealed

My Hairspiration (Inspired Styles)

I remember when Solange first went natural. Watching her natural hair journey has been inspirational, particularly because she has embraced her style during all the length-stages following her big chop. I also love that she has never been afraid to experiment with cool protective styles. Tomiko Fraser has been my inspiration since way before her big chop--I've followed her modeling career since I was a teenager and SO wanted to be her. Thanks to Facebook and Twitter I'm able to follow and be inspired by these ladies and their amazing personal style regularly. When I grow up... Tomiko, especially is like my Facebook life coach/fabulous sister-friend who lives out of town. 

I love a good afro side part, y'all. I haven't seen anyone with a short natural rock it better than Tomiko Fraser and Solange. I got permission from Tomiko (my Homegirl in my head) to borrow this mobile photo from her facebook page! 

I used new products from Pantene' Pro V  to create a hairstyle inspired by these looks! If you missed my first post about why Pantene created new products for natural hair, check it out here.  

Pantene Pro-V Giveaway + My Natural Hairspiration

Pantene, the World's #1 Hair Care Brand, is dedicated to keeping every woman's hair healthy, shiny and beautiful! I have used Pantene products off and on since returning to my natural hair in college--back when I was shopping around for products that I felt served my needs. I had my staples, but was still getting to know my hair and always trying new products, especially conditioners. These days, you can find one or two of their Relaxed & Natural products in my bathroom closet on any given day. Now, Pantene  introduces new haircare products, some, exclusively for natural hair! 

Keep reading to see the inspired style I will create using these products and to find out how you can enter to win a sweet bundle of Pantene Pro-V's newestof haircare products! 

Since I have natural hair, let's talk about my favorite products from Pantene's new offerings...

Why special products, specifically for our natural hair?

African American women with natural hair can have a tight curl pattern. Not only does it make it difficult for the scalp’s natural sebum to moisturize the hair, it can be very difficult to comb through because it tangles easily. Although natural hair hasn’t gone through a chemical change, it is still prone to dryness which can give hair a lackluster appearance. The Pantene Pro-V Truly Natural products are designed specifically for the unique needs of natural hair, leaving it moisturized, shiny and healthy.

The Products

Some of my favorite new products from Pantene Pro-V include:

• CO-WASH Cleansing Conditioner
• Deep Conditioner
• Clarifying Shanpoo (SO important, especially when co-washing)
• Defining Curls Styling CUSTARD
• Shine Serum with ARGON OIL
• Advanced Keratin Repair KERAGLOSS Oil Mist (not pictured above)
• Ultimate 10 BB CRÈME, 10 in 1 Beauty Balm for natural hair (not pictured above)

Some other great products I've been intorduced to, and that one lucky winner will receive in addition to the ones above include:

• No Crunch Curls Whip (moisturizer and styling mousse for curly hair)
• Pantene Pro-V Stylers Hairspray 1 (Lightweight hold for 24 hours)