Homegirl Quel (kel) in Austin

Why do we love a good black deadbeat dad story?

 

I chose to put a positive image of black fatherhood in this post because there are far too many negative ones on display for my taste.

I'm sure there is more newsworthy happenings going on in the world today, but the hot topic on news radio this morning, and apparently online is the Memphis guy who pays child support for 29 or 30 kids, and is asking for a break. The self-satisfied, self-righteous tone I heard on the radio this morning of people calling in talking about their tax dollars, and single black moms, and welfare checks and the need for humans to be "fixed" like animals made me want to throw my radio across the room. Instead I just turned it off. Then I turned on my laptop and saw folks having a field day with this. It's disgusting.

 

Is this Memphis dude, the first, and only man in this situation, I doubt it. Is he the only black man in this situation? I doubt it. Why is this a headline? Why is it that the child support cases that make major news are attached to black men from the broke to the rich and famous? Black men are not the only ones having kids and not paying child support. We measure dads by how much they financially support their kids, so on paper--yes, it seems like low-income, black men have checked out. However, black men are more present in their children's lives in the long run than other races who don't live in the homes with their kids, they just have a difficult time making payments when the law is set up to strip them of licenses, for example, and with them their ability to even go out and find legal work. I know that was a run-on sentence, but this a a run-on kinda moment for me. I could link to sources to back that last statement up, but don't feel like it. I have run across some empirical essays on the topic--google it.  

The way people are enjoying ripping that Memphis guy apart as well as the mothers is just gross. I'm not saying they have made awesome life decisions. Obviously, they have not. It's just gross the way people use this story as an opportunity to dog black folks, and feel validated for believing every negative stereotype there is about us.

Urban Prep Acadamies should be major national and international news every year. Any school that has a 100% graduation and 100% college acceptance rate in consecutive years should. Except that every one of those students is a black man, and as a society, we prefer to put the failures of black men on display rather than their successes, which allows the idea that an upstanding black man is an exception to the rule, to flourish. 

Is it a coincidence that news casting us in a negative light headlines every major and minor outlet, and yet our positive news doesn't make beyond black news media sources?

Black Stay-At-Home Moms, Welfare, Public Perception & The Media

Me with my son in 2010.

I wasn't going to write about this for two reasons: 1. I 'd be too emotional about it since it is my life--as you'll see in one of the articles I will link to below--I can't look back too fondly on my entry into this life. It was a disheartening experience that I went through with the support of my sister and one of my best friends. It took the wind out of my sails and dashed the dream I had about what being a stay-at-home mom would be like. As a result, most of my stay-at-home-mom friends don't live in my neighborhood--and that's okay. And 2. Other writers, like the ones I will link to below are way more informed and well-versed on the topics, have done a great job of making lots of points that I agree with, and are probably way smarter than me. 

What I will say though, is that I have seen some other sites pick these articles up and some of the comments there and on Facebook make it very clear that some people see the title of the pieces, get angry at seeing the word " black", and don't read it before sharing their opinions. One person asked, how are black-stay-at home moms any different from other stay-at-home mom. The answer is that our existence isn't accepted as easily as that of white stay-at-home moms and we constantly have to justify our existence and explain our choices. Historically, black mothers have moved from working side-by-side with their men in the fields, to working alone taking care of the homes and families of white women, to gaining access to education and working in other careers. Historically, black mothers work. This stay-at-home mom business is seen as a "white woman thing". In Lashaun Williams' post on The L Factor, she explains,

"The female experience has differed for white women in this country, as they have historically been expected to simply look pretty, stay home and have babies. While they felt trapped in a sea of domestication, black mothers longed to devote more time to their own children."  

One comment I saw online said that a black stay-at-home mom is called a welfare mom. It is so sad how in political, and lets face it, plain terms "stay-at-home mom" connotes white, married moms who live in the suburbs and "welfare moms", black, single moms living in the hood. I can't even start on the unfair stereotypes assigned to black single moms vs white single moms, but rest assured I'm annoyed by that too. 

I blame the media. Yep, I said it. Why else would the prevailing opinions about welfare recipients be so completely unaffected by the actual facts?

• Public Perceptions: Most welfare moms are black. Mostly black people benefit from welfare and food stamps. 
• Fact: Nine(9) percent of food stamp recipients are black — and 84 percent are white. 
• Fact: Nationally, 39 percent of welfare recipients are white, 37 percent are black.

Whitney Houston Performing "One Moment In Time"

My local radio station is playing Whitney Houston's songs in heavy rotation today. I am happy that she shared her gift with us while she as here. My heart is heavy for her daughter and for everyone who knew and truly loved her. I am feeling a little sad. About as sad as I felt when Aaliyah died and when Michael Jackson died. They are people you always root for and want to see them do well, you know? Each of their stars were rising right at the moment they fell. How hard was I rooting for Whitney's comeback? I'm sad that we will not get to see her rock the red carpet when her next film, Sparkle, premieres in the fall. The past few years have been rough on her. I believe her soul is at peace now. She probably looking down on earth right now smiling at the mark she left that says, "I was here."

I would like to remember her when she was at her best. Her smile, charisma and voice are unmatched in the music industry, yesterday and today. I have heard this song twice today on my car radio. It is a reminder, not only of how beautiful Whitney's voice was, but also that life, for all of us, really is just one moment in time.

R.I.P. Whitney.

Naturally, The Help is #WINNING During The 2012 Awards Season

It was a great night for The Help at the 2012 SAG Awards. But how great was the night for the future of black actors in film? 

 

Martin Luther King, Jr. was here, but we are not there yet.

Where ever you are today (well, not today-today, because we all come together for rallies and marches and speeches today, but I mean on a regular "today"), look around and there is a pretty good chance that, had it not been for Martin Luther King, Jr. (and granted, other leaders of the American civil rights movement), your surroundings might look a little bit different. Some folks' surroundings (especially in places down here in TX) haven't changed much at all. Some people are grateful for the changes, some are resentful. Either way, we have come a long way and still have a long way to go towards racial, social and gender equality in this country. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. understood that people were not going to change fast enough for the social climate to change back then. He got that we are a nation of laws (unfair as they were) and that it is more important to appeal to the courts (white as they were) than to the cold hearts of fellow Americans who were perfectly fine with the way things were. So they fought. And some laws changed. Today, the fight continues and the changes continue. As much as we would love to look to the White House, now inhabited by a black family, and say we are finally looking down from King's mountaintop , it is imperative that we recognize that we are not there yet. 

And that's OKAY. For every 60, 70, 80 year old black person still harboring resentment from growing up and living in perpetual nobodiness, there are just as many or more 60, 70, 80 year old white folks still harboring resentment for the laws that made it possible for blacks to be treated like human beings. And these black and white people have raised children and their friends have raised children, and have very likely imparted their beliefs of racial inferiority or superiority to those children. So for every 20, 30, 40 year old black person who achieves a measurable level of education and success, there are just as many or more 20,30, 40 year old white folks who think their own ability to achieve is threatened by affirmative action. White privilege is alive and very real. Racism is alive and very real. We have made great strides, but we are not there yet.

There might be a mountaintop up there, but we have not seen it. A few more generations from now, maybe hearts and minds will catch up with the laws and there might actually be racial, social and gender equality in the United States. Hope is enough for politicians and activists and citizens to keep fighting and winning awesome, small battles that amount to awesome, big changes. Hope is good for movement and growth and momentum. 

I said all that to say that laws change overnight. People, intellectual values and grand sweeping ideas on race and equality do not. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best,  "It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

I'm just sayin'.

This Post Sponsored by American Cancer Society

As many of you know, I ran my first 5k this year. It was with Austin Komen Race For The Cure. If you read my race report, you know that at one point during the race, I was almost overcome with emotion from seeing all the survivers who were running, using the bodies that Cancer tried to destroy to run and raise money to help others fight the disease. The signs people held and wore on their shirts baring the names and photos of friends and family members who had succumbed to the disease were almost too much. Only one member of my family has been diagnosed with cancer. She is a survivor. This post is dedicated to her.

 

Tony Robbins Is My Homeboy

On a road trip to New Orleans this past weekend, one of my roadies brought along CDs by life coaches. She told me ahead of time that she would be bringing them and I had hoped that my iPod playlists and casual conversation would be enough to occupy us both ways during the 9-hour trip. I told her I wasn't into self-help things and motivational speakers (and by "not into" I meant "hate"), but she said she'd bring them anyway just in case. There was a third person in the car with us who, turns out, likes motivational things. So, subject to the majority rule, I had to listen.

Sooo, yeah. I'm playing 18 holes of golf on Sunday.

Mhm. And I have never played golf before in my life. So. This should be interesting.

On Sunday, May 2, I will be playing in the Austin Mocha Moms' inaugural annual charity golf tournament, "Teeing Off Against Childhood Illiteracy" as part of a foursome. Why am I putting myself out there like this? I'm not sure. Actually, it's for the kids. And for their sake and mine, I really, REALLY hope golf is as easy to pick up as I think it is. I have a pretty good record of doing well in sports situations that are new to me. In college, I played basketball on a team of guys once and handled myself pretty well. I can't remember if I made any shots, but I do recall some good blocks, and they kept me on the team the whole game and didn't cuss me out...and our team won, so I think I did ok. And then there was the time I went bowling for the first time since I was like, 12, and bowled a 219, which is an insanely good score period, no matter how much bowling experience you have. I don't suck at tennis and I usually win when I play pool with anybody. So I should pick up golf pretty easily, right?

Who knows, how my golf game will be. One thing is for sure: This will be tons of fun and there will be no shortage of laughter (hopefully more with me than at me). The good thing is I have a week before the tournament to practice on my swing and 18 holes during the tournament to try to get it right. 

All Austinites or people who may be in town this weekend, of all levels of golfing experience and ability are welcome to come out to support our cause.

See the News 8 interview with our Austin Chapter President about the tournament and our work in combating childhood illiteracy here:
 
For more information on the tournament including location, time and how to sign up to play, please visit the tournament website at: http://www.golfdigestplanner.com/15147-MM2010CharityGolf/.

Fashion Friday:Crystal Renn Photo Shoot for V Magazine and My Size Issues

 

Plus size model Crystal Renn and fashion's newest face, Jacquelyn Jablonski, 17 are featured side by side in this month's issue of V Magazine wearing identical outfits. They are both 5'9", but Renn is more curvy at a size 16. Both models are beautiful, but Crystal is serving it...and I'll take what she's having. Top fashion photographer Terry Richardson, photographed them for V Magazine's Size Issue in several high-fashion looks in this latest in a string of campaigns for designers and magazines to use models with more varied looks and sizes. More dueling photos after the jump.

But before you witness more of the fabulousness that is Crystal Renn, I just want to say how much seeing these images and reading about Crystal's journey as an anorexic size 0, teen model to a top model at a natural size 16 has encouraged me to re-purpose my weight loss goals. Do I still want to be thin? Of course (just keepin' it real), but I struggle with letting go of my obsession with thinness that started when I was barely 13.

Tiger Woods and his women.

Why is it my business who Tiger Woods is, has or has ever had sex with? I know the answer is that this is America and Americans love to be up in people's bedrooms. And why are so many people saying it's his fall from grace. A god on the golf course, maybe, but he's just a very rich dude . If you are one of those people who assume that because somebody gets paid an insane amount of money to sing, act, play sports, run governments exceptionally well (in most cases), then they are somehow a saint by proxy, that is your problem, not theirs. Top athletes, especially the guys, have lots of money and power and opportunity. That rarely comes without a huge ego. Don't be surprised when they're caught getting sex somewhere other than at home. They're human! Politicians? These guys are masters of manipulation! They manipulate people and circumstances FOR A LIVING! You don't get to be President or Prime Minister or King or whoever by being Mr. Pure-of-heart. Don't be surprised if they get caught getting a little something on the side. When all this blows over, if all the allegations are true, some woman will probably get rich off a book and/or reality TV show because she had Tiger's penis inside her, Tiger will still be making butt-loads of money, and will be grateful that he only hurt his wife and kids and not the family dog, because hurting dog gets you prison time in this country.  *steps down off the box*

Fear of an Intelligent Black Man

 
Fear of an Intelligent Black Man
By Paul Scott  www.finalcall.com

“If I'm not who you say I am then you are not who you think you are.”
—James Baldwin

"I want to extend my sincerest apology to the Right Wing Republicans; the Tea Party people, The Birthers, etc. For the last year, I have been calling you “narrow-minded bigots who are just hatin' on the president because he's Black!” However, based on the events of the last few weeks between the hecklers, the protesters, and the media lynching of former Obama green czar, Van Jones, I stand corrected. You guys don't hate him because he's Black. You hate him because he's smart ... and Black. "

<FULL ARTICLE HERE>

Black Barbie! Girl, what took you so long?

I remember getting a black doll for Christmas when I was in second or third grade and literally throwing it against the wall and crying because I didn't want a black doll. Believe it or not, y'all by second grade, I, HomeGirl, had totally bought the message that I got from the images I had been exposed to: cartoon princesses, Shirley Temple, baby-dolls on the store shelves, Barbie--all white. Those where the things I had learned to nurture and adore. Those things where beautiful and special. Not me. What was I supposed to do with a doll that looked like me? I wasn't special, right? That was the message, intentional or not. And thousands of us heard it loud and clear. Fortunately, I was young enough and had parents who where present and informed enough to undo some of the damage and put me on a path toward self love. How much self love? Enough for me to be THRILLED about the new line of black Barbies!

BLACK BARBIE, WHAT?!

Can I just say it's about time?! If not now, then when? We've got Barack and Michelle in The House, we got Gen.  Bolden doing his thing over at NASA, we got Venus and Serena 'nem handling things. For the first time, a generation of young people are growing up seeing reflections of themselves as presidents and astronauts as well as top athletes and entrepreneurs. For the first time little black girls will grow up with a Disney Princess that looks like them (shout out Tiana!), and now, thanks to the new, PERMANENT, not special edition, line of So In Style Barbies by Mattel, they will get to grow up with Barbies that look like them or somebody they know. The line is comprised of dolls of varying skin tones, hair textures and facial features, that reflect, more than ever before, beautiful black women. Y'all, this is huge. Click HERE to see pics of and to meet Trichelle, Kara, and Grace.

Here is a video of designer, Stacey McBride (who is black) talking about creating this new line of dolls:

Thanks to Disney and Mattel and even to Michelle Obama and the girls, there are some pretty awesome images of feminine black power and beauty that black girls and boys (it's important for them too) haven't seen mainstream before. This is huge, y'all.

Not a mom yet, but definitely a do-gooder.

Future Mama over at BabyMakin(g)Machine has taken a breather (believe it or not) from blogging the play-by-play of her first efforts at conception, to raise money for a good cause, March of Dimes, an organization that is dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. Her original goal was to get companies to donate $300 worth of products and services for her to raffle off on her website. Within days of posting her call for donations, she received $1000 worth of donations from 25 companies. Not too shabby. And, y'all, she is taking nothing away from this deal--no products, no cashola, all the products are going to people who enter the raffle and 100% of the funds raised will go to March of Dimes. Again, not too shabby.

I'm doing my part to help a do-gooder do gooder by giving you guys the opportunity to do good too. Simply enter the raffle by donating between $1-$20. If you donate $15 or more you're GUARANTEED a prize from Future Mama. For specific details and to make a donation, click on the image to the left or click here.

Do good!

Book Preview: 31 Hours by Masha Hamilton

Book reviews, I've done for years upon years. But book previews.This is a first for HomeGirl. I was contacted by the folks over at Unbridled Books, who had enjoyed reading some of my posts and asked me to tell you guys about the newest release from Masha Hamilton, called 31 Hours. I haven't read the book yet, but what I've seen and read about it so far was enough for me to share it with you guys sight unseen. Of course it's on my reading list, so a review is inevitable.

31 Hours is story told by 21 year-old Jonas. He's struggling with extreme religious beliefs and political motivations that leave him teetering on the edge of mass murder and suicide. His mother tries to reach her son physically and psychologically in time to prevent the the death of her son and possibly hundreds of others. She only has 31 hours to do it. The book was released on September 8th, appropriately, just days before the anniversary of 9/11. Here's the video preview (Can you believe it?! Books have video previews too!):

Masha Hamilton also started a project called The Afghan Women's Writing Project, which, according to the website is aimed at allowing Afghan women to have a direct voice in the world, not filtered through male relatives or members of the media. Here's a video of Marsha talking about her inspiration for the project:

Empowering women, especially women who face cultural barriers that systematically take their power and their voices away, is always a good look. Go Masha!

Visit awwproject.wordpress.com for more information.

Obama is NOT Hitler! Bunch of crazies. I'm so over them.

I heard radio callers likening Obama to Hitler this morning referring to his upcoming speech to school kids saying "this is how it starts".  And they where so serious, y'all. I listen to conservative talk radio every day and it's scary and shocking to hear actual real people call in and talk about serious fears they have of president Obama becoming a "supreme leader". Those people get. on. my. NERVES! Hitler?! because he wants to speak directly to the kids about staying in school? God forbid the most influential person on the planet reaches out to your kid to encourage him or her to set and pursue personal goals toward higher achievements in life. This outcry is NOT about the president reaching out to kids. There was no outcry from these same folks when Bush gave a similar speech to school kids or when he encouraged them to get fit during his fitness initiative. This is NOT about the president overreaching, this is about a black president reaching out to kids. What are they so afraid of--their kids having high aspirations...or maybe they're afraid of all kids having higher aspirations? Hm? Get on my nerves. Yes, the "pledge to serve President Obama" thing is kinda weird--not the best choice of words, but Hitler?! Just because a black man is in charge now, doesn't mean he wants to return the favor and punish a whole race of people.  Get over yourselves. Getouttahere. ON.MY.NERVES!

I had to get that off my chest, y'all. I'm done.

And another thing (added after original post)--thanks Natalie for your comment--

I get that conservatives are against president Obama's policies and that they are just doing their part to keep the parties polarized, but some of the people who call in to the radio show I listen to, which is what set me off in the first place, have some serious issues and they have to do with his race.

Poor Judgement Much?

This is not my photo. A facebook friend of mine shared this story and I googled around to find out what others where saying about it. Apparently, this doll was on sale at Costco stores across the country. A black customer complained that it was racially offensive and it was subsequently yanked from the shelves this week. The doll has "lil monkey" written across the hat on her forehead and the box reads, "Monkey Has Her Own Bottle Too! Diaper Fits Both Baby & Monkey!"

There was a white baby doll being sold alongside this one called "Pretty Panda". Um. Yeah.

OK. So. Monkeys are cute. Especially baby monkeys. But somebody...SOMEBODY...somewhere between the conference meeting where this product was conceptualized and the factory where it was assembled and the trucking dock where it was loaded and the Costco warehouse where it was put onto shelves must have thought it was a bit insensitive to a certain group of potential Costco customers in the United States of America where the whole negro-as-monkey thing kinda left a bad taste in the mouths of normal people with souls. I am amazed that this made it to the shelves.

I can't say whether the intent of the manufacturers was racist or not--I'm leaning towards not. There was a lot of money spent on getting this product to the shelves and that's a lot of money to spend just to make a racist statement. I'm sure they are in business to make money and selling black baby dolls with "lil monkey" written across the forehead defeats that purpose...at least on the shelves at Costco. Maybe, especially now that they have truckloads of  black baby doll monkeys to try to make a profit off of, they can hawk them at KKK conventions or certain extreme right wing republican rallies or certain neighborhood parties where "good Christian Americans" live? I'm sure the doll would be wholeheartedly embraced by them.

Tami over at Anti-racist Parent blogged about this story and linked to some other pretty disturbing displays of outright racism. And I ran across some others over at Undercover Black Man. If you have the stomach for it, definitely click on those links.

I'm tired. *shaking my head and walking away*

News clip of this story <<HERE>>.

Pay-to-learn Programs: Awesome or Not Awesome?

So students at an East Austin high school improved performance after participating in a program where they where essentially paid to learn...$6/hr for attending math tutoring (article here). Similar programs are underway in New York, Atlanta and Baltimore, and are being tested in many other cities around the country.

Obviously, the money isn't increasing the ability of the students who participate in these programs to learn. It simply motivates them to use the tools (i.e. tutors) that tax payers and private donors provide. I've decided that I'm in support of programs like these. There are millions of dollars being spent on schools to improve education, yet many of those schools continue to close due to low performance--Pearce middle school in East Austin just closed it's doors this summer in spite of being highly funded by Austin ISD. You can read about it here. Looks like maybe they where paying the wrong people?

Some people who don't support these kinds of pay-to-learn programs argue that parents should get more involved in their kids' public school education and that paying kids to do what they ideally should be internally motivated to do is teaching them the wrong lesson about work and money and motivation and success. Ideally? Yes. Ideally, of course they're right. Unfortunately, reality still leaves us with parents who are disengaged in their kids' education process in a country that is largely motivated by money. And isn't it a good thing when young Americans realize the connection between positive hard work and pay? 

I say if you can lead the horse to water and make him drink, who cares how you get 'em to do it as long as it's legal?

*Update* 7/28: There's a nice little exchange of opinions going on over on Facebook, where I posted this link. I could not resist sharing the thoughts of my Facebook fam with you guys. Good reading after the jump...(FYI, Sylvester is my dad---now  you know otherwise you might be confused at first.)

I need more diversity in APD killings

So another brown person was fatally shot by the Austin Police Department. I don't know the details of the killing. Honestly, I really don't care to know the details. I can guess though...the deceased (with a criminal history) was reaching for a weapon and the police officer (with medallions and awards and crap) feared for his life. That's usually how it goes. I'm just saying, that if the Austin Police Department insists on annual killings, which they obviously do, we need more diversity. That's all. White folks don't raise up on police? White folks...in TEXAS...don't reach for firearms in police confrontations? All the White folks in Austin and none of them raisin' up on police? Really. Please. 'Course they do! We just don't hear about it, 'cause regular, actual, by the book arrests don't make the news. APD, do better.

But what would The Crying Indian think?!

So I'm driving my car in a shiny, pristine suburban neighborhood and I stop at a red light in a major intersection. I'm on my cell (yes, I'm an evil talk-while-drive-er) with my sister and I see this guy in an SUV roll down his window. I think he's going to try to talk to somebody or spit or something, but instead he tosses out a piece of paper that looked like a lottery ticket when I drove past it. Just tosses it out onto the street. I told my sister what was happening in front of my eyes and I was shocked for two reasons: 1. That I was witnessing littering in 2009. 2. That I even cared. I probably would have told her about what I'd witnessed had the guy spit like I thought he was going to, but I wouldn't have cared as much, I don't think. Yes, I see trash on the roadsides all the time, but I always assume that it fell off the back of a garbage truck or flew out of the back of a pickup truck or something--I've seen that many times. Maybe I'm naive, but I thought everybody was so conscious of keeping the earth green and global warming and all, that they'd be ashamed to be seen littering, especially at a major intersection in shiny, pristine suburban neighborhoods in broad daylight. I always imagine litterers doing their dirty deeds on back roads in the dark cover of night.

*shaking my head and thinking about The Crying Indian*

And speaking of global warming, we're totally going to turn our lights out at from 8:30 to 9:30 Saturday night for Earth Hour. At 8:31pm, I'm going to go outside and take a picture of my street to see if I have any fellow Earthhourers. Then I guess we'll light some candles and chill for a bit.

Lights out for one-hour at 8:30pm in every timezone on the planet. I'm predicting record numbers of Christmas babies this year.

My one and a half cents on Barack Obama chumming it up with Jay Leno

The hot topic on talk radio in Austin this morning was President Obama carrying on like a "common" person, trivializing the "image" of The Office. I was trippin' off people calling in talking about how the president shouldn't be going to sporting events an going on comedy talk shows or talking about his picks for the college basketball championship contest...because of the state of the economy. So because he's the president, and the economy is screwed up, he's supposed to what?