Homegirl Quel (kel) in Austin

Making It Official: I will see y'all in 2013

My last post was two months ago from Paris. Since then, I've been spending so much time sharing my photos and anecdotes and whatnot on Facebook and Twitter that I have totally neglected my blog. I don't see a place in December where I can sit down to write, but trust me, I will be back at it in January 2013. I have a few inspired posts on the 2012 Presidential Campaign, Trayvon Martin, and vegan, non-allergen baking and recipes I'm trying out on my son, crafty undertakings, fitness and knitting for my other blogs and peeing in Europe...peeing...in...Europe, and of course pictures all on the Homegirl horizon. 

I'm caving and giving in to the ever-creepy Elf on The Shelf, per my son's request, after hearing of his friends', to ask Santa if one of his elves can visit our house until Christmas. I'm already thinking of ideas and will be posting Elf's pictures on Instagram, so you don't want to miss those. I won't be posting here, but in the mean time, I will be all up in and through social media. Catch up with me on...

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

Please enjoy every moment wrapping up your 2012 and have a great Christmas and New Year. 

Also, since today is World Aids Day, I'll leave you with this: Death to AIDS. Death to judgement. Death to stereotypes. Death to misinformation. LIFE to those living with HIV. Let us remember those who we've lost and those still fighting. Get tested! http://www.worldaidsday.org/.

Thanks for reading! 

Holla! 

Black Stay-At-Home Moms, Welfare, Public Perception & The Media

Me with my son in 2010.

I wasn't going to write about this for two reasons: 1. I 'd be too emotional about it since it is my life--as you'll see in one of the articles I will link to below--I can't look back too fondly on my entry into this life. It was a disheartening experience that I went through with the support of my sister and one of my best friends. It took the wind out of my sails and dashed the dream I had about what being a stay-at-home mom would be like. As a result, most of my stay-at-home-mom friends don't live in my neighborhood--and that's okay. And 2. Other writers, like the ones I will link to below are way more informed and well-versed on the topics, have done a great job of making lots of points that I agree with, and are probably way smarter than me. 

What I will say though, is that I have seen some other sites pick these articles up and some of the comments there and on Facebook make it very clear that some people see the title of the pieces, get angry at seeing the word " black", and don't read it before sharing their opinions. One person asked, how are black-stay-at home moms any different from other stay-at-home mom. The answer is that our existence isn't accepted as easily as that of white stay-at-home moms and we constantly have to justify our existence and explain our choices. Historically, black mothers have moved from working side-by-side with their men in the fields, to working alone taking care of the homes and families of white women, to gaining access to education and working in other careers. Historically, black mothers work. This stay-at-home mom business is seen as a "white woman thing". In Lashaun Williams' post on The L Factor, she explains,

"The female experience has differed for white women in this country, as they have historically been expected to simply look pretty, stay home and have babies. While they felt trapped in a sea of domestication, black mothers longed to devote more time to their own children."  

One comment I saw online said that a black stay-at-home mom is called a welfare mom. It is so sad how in political, and lets face it, plain terms "stay-at-home mom" connotes white, married moms who live in the suburbs and "welfare moms", black, single moms living in the hood. I can't even start on the unfair stereotypes assigned to black single moms vs white single moms, but rest assured I'm annoyed by that too. 

I blame the media. Yep, I said it. Why else would the prevailing opinions about welfare recipients be so completely unaffected by the actual facts?

• Public Perceptions: Most welfare moms are black. Mostly black people benefit from welfare and food stamps. 
• Fact: Nine(9) percent of food stamp recipients are black — and 84 percent are white. 
• Fact: Nationally, 39 percent of welfare recipients are white, 37 percent are black.

Whitney Houston Performing "One Moment In Time"

My local radio station is playing Whitney Houston's songs in heavy rotation today. I am happy that she shared her gift with us while she as here. My heart is heavy for her daughter and for everyone who knew and truly loved her. I am feeling a little sad. About as sad as I felt when Aaliyah died and when Michael Jackson died. They are people you always root for and want to see them do well, you know? Each of their stars were rising right at the moment they fell. How hard was I rooting for Whitney's comeback? I'm sad that we will not get to see her rock the red carpet when her next film, Sparkle, premieres in the fall. The past few years have been rough on her. I believe her soul is at peace now. She probably looking down on earth right now smiling at the mark she left that says, "I was here."

I would like to remember her when she was at her best. Her smile, charisma and voice are unmatched in the music industry, yesterday and today. I have heard this song twice today on my car radio. It is a reminder, not only of how beautiful Whitney's voice was, but also that life, for all of us, really is just one moment in time.

R.I.P. Whitney.

Naturally, The Help is #WINNING During The 2012 Awards Season

It was a great night for The Help at the 2012 SAG Awards. But how great was the night for the future of black actors in film? 

 

Martin Luther King, Jr. was here, but we are not there yet.

Where ever you are today (well, not today-today, because we all come together for rallies and marches and speeches today, but I mean on a regular "today"), look around and there is a pretty good chance that, had it not been for Martin Luther King, Jr. (and granted, other leaders of the American civil rights movement), your surroundings might look a little bit different. Some folks' surroundings (especially in places down here in TX) haven't changed much at all. Some people are grateful for the changes, some are resentful. Either way, we have come a long way and still have a long way to go towards racial, social and gender equality in this country. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. understood that people were not going to change fast enough for the social climate to change back then. He got that we are a nation of laws (unfair as they were) and that it is more important to appeal to the courts (white as they were) than to the cold hearts of fellow Americans who were perfectly fine with the way things were. So they fought. And some laws changed. Today, the fight continues and the changes continue. As much as we would love to look to the White House, now inhabited by a black family, and say we are finally looking down from King's mountaintop , it is imperative that we recognize that we are not there yet. 

And that's OKAY. For every 60, 70, 80 year old black person still harboring resentment from growing up and living in perpetual nobodiness, there are just as many or more 60, 70, 80 year old white folks still harboring resentment for the laws that made it possible for blacks to be treated like human beings. And these black and white people have raised children and their friends have raised children, and have very likely imparted their beliefs of racial inferiority or superiority to those children. So for every 20, 30, 40 year old black person who achieves a measurable level of education and success, there are just as many or more 20,30, 40 year old white folks who think their own ability to achieve is threatened by affirmative action. White privilege is alive and very real. Racism is alive and very real. We have made great strides, but we are not there yet.

There might be a mountaintop up there, but we have not seen it. A few more generations from now, maybe hearts and minds will catch up with the laws and there might actually be racial, social and gender equality in the United States. Hope is enough for politicians and activists and citizens to keep fighting and winning awesome, small battles that amount to awesome, big changes. Hope is good for movement and growth and momentum. 

I said all that to say that laws change overnight. People, intellectual values and grand sweeping ideas on race and equality do not. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best,  "It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

I'm just sayin'.

That Moment When You Almost Beat Your Kid

I don't hit my kid. I have been told that I talk to my son too much and don't beat him enough. My response is usually something like, "We're humans, so I prefer to talk. If I was a lion, I'd bite him on the neck and wrestle him or something, but fortunately, we have words and languages and such." I have also been told that I'm being directly disobedient to God for not hitting my child. My response to that is usually silence and a blank stare...because what's the point of arguing with that.  I don't hit my kid....as a rule. Have I broken that rule, say, on two separate occasions, both involving me trying to get a two year old to sit still and quiet in church and both times having him hit and/or kick me out of frustration? Yes. Both times, I hit him back, on the back of the offending hand before dragging him screaming out of church and to the car. He was 2. Both times, I felt horrible about hitting him, because it was totally my fault. Hitting me was his way of saying, "Mom! What the hell?! I'm two! I got places to run around and dinosaur sounds to make. Get me out of here!" I heard him loud and clear. Until he's much older and has developed alittle lot more impulse control, I'll only take him to kid's Sunday School. That last time I hit him was the last time I took him into a church sanctuary.  That last time I took him into a church sanctuary was also the last time I wanted to hit him. Until last Saturday. 

Tiger Woods and his women.

Why is it my business who Tiger Woods is, has or has ever had sex with? I know the answer is that this is America and Americans love to be up in people's bedrooms. And why are so many people saying it's his fall from grace. A god on the golf course, maybe, but he's just a very rich dude . If you are one of those people who assume that because somebody gets paid an insane amount of money to sing, act, play sports, run governments exceptionally well (in most cases), then they are somehow a saint by proxy, that is your problem, not theirs. Top athletes, especially the guys, have lots of money and power and opportunity. That rarely comes without a huge ego. Don't be surprised when they're caught getting sex somewhere other than at home. They're human! Politicians? These guys are masters of manipulation! They manipulate people and circumstances FOR A LIVING! You don't get to be President or Prime Minister or King or whoever by being Mr. Pure-of-heart. Don't be surprised if they get caught getting a little something on the side. When all this blows over, if all the allegations are true, some woman will probably get rich off a book and/or reality TV show because she had Tiger's penis inside her, Tiger will still be making butt-loads of money, and will be grateful that he only hurt his wife and kids and not the family dog, because hurting dog gets you prison time in this country.  *steps down off the box*

Obsessed...just a little...but a lot..seriously.

I have this song stuck in my head--"Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey, but not her version. Since I'm officially obsessed with Priscilla Renea right now, OB.SESSED...I was looking at her videos online and ran across this video she loaded onto youtube to attract attention to herself, before ultimately getting signed by Capital Records. Anyway, this acoustic version is wonderful. I posted it on my Facebook page (my personal page, not my Fan Page, which you are SO welcome to join) a couple of days ago and noted that watching this video was the first time I had really listened to the lyrics of the song. Yes, there was much *pearl clutching* going on. Who knew Mariah was so...forward! I never! Anyway, Priscilla Renea's rendition of the song is here. Prepare to be impressed.

Obama is NOT Hitler! Bunch of crazies. I'm so over them.

I heard radio callers likening Obama to Hitler this morning referring to his upcoming speech to school kids saying "this is how it starts".  And they where so serious, y'all. I listen to conservative talk radio every day and it's scary and shocking to hear actual real people call in and talk about serious fears they have of president Obama becoming a "supreme leader". Those people get. on. my. NERVES! Hitler?! because he wants to speak directly to the kids about staying in school? God forbid the most influential person on the planet reaches out to your kid to encourage him or her to set and pursue personal goals toward higher achievements in life. This outcry is NOT about the president reaching out to kids. There was no outcry from these same folks when Bush gave a similar speech to school kids or when he encouraged them to get fit during his fitness initiative. This is NOT about the president overreaching, this is about a black president reaching out to kids. What are they so afraid of--their kids having high aspirations...or maybe they're afraid of all kids having higher aspirations? Hm? Get on my nerves. Yes, the "pledge to serve President Obama" thing is kinda weird--not the best choice of words, but Hitler?! Just because a black man is in charge now, doesn't mean he wants to return the favor and punish a whole race of people.  Get over yourselves. Getouttahere. ON.MY.NERVES!

I had to get that off my chest, y'all. I'm done.

And another thing (added after original post)--thanks Natalie for your comment--

I get that conservatives are against president Obama's policies and that they are just doing their part to keep the parties polarized, but some of the people who call in to the radio show I listen to, which is what set me off in the first place, have some serious issues and they have to do with his race.

Poor Judgement Much?

This is not my photo. A facebook friend of mine shared this story and I googled around to find out what others where saying about it. Apparently, this doll was on sale at Costco stores across the country. A black customer complained that it was racially offensive and it was subsequently yanked from the shelves this week. The doll has "lil monkey" written across the hat on her forehead and the box reads, "Monkey Has Her Own Bottle Too! Diaper Fits Both Baby & Monkey!"

There was a white baby doll being sold alongside this one called "Pretty Panda". Um. Yeah.

OK. So. Monkeys are cute. Especially baby monkeys. But somebody...SOMEBODY...somewhere between the conference meeting where this product was conceptualized and the factory where it was assembled and the trucking dock where it was loaded and the Costco warehouse where it was put onto shelves must have thought it was a bit insensitive to a certain group of potential Costco customers in the United States of America where the whole negro-as-monkey thing kinda left a bad taste in the mouths of normal people with souls. I am amazed that this made it to the shelves.

I can't say whether the intent of the manufacturers was racist or not--I'm leaning towards not. There was a lot of money spent on getting this product to the shelves and that's a lot of money to spend just to make a racist statement. I'm sure they are in business to make money and selling black baby dolls with "lil monkey" written across the forehead defeats that purpose...at least on the shelves at Costco. Maybe, especially now that they have truckloads of  black baby doll monkeys to try to make a profit off of, they can hawk them at KKK conventions or certain extreme right wing republican rallies or certain neighborhood parties where "good Christian Americans" live? I'm sure the doll would be wholeheartedly embraced by them.

Tami over at Anti-racist Parent blogged about this story and linked to some other pretty disturbing displays of outright racism. And I ran across some others over at Undercover Black Man. If you have the stomach for it, definitely click on those links.

I'm tired. *shaking my head and walking away*

News clip of this story <<HERE>>.

I need more diversity in APD killings

So another brown person was fatally shot by the Austin Police Department. I don't know the details of the killing. Honestly, I really don't care to know the details. I can guess though...the deceased (with a criminal history) was reaching for a weapon and the police officer (with medallions and awards and crap) feared for his life. That's usually how it goes. I'm just saying, that if the Austin Police Department insists on annual killings, which they obviously do, we need more diversity. That's all. White folks don't raise up on police? White folks...in TEXAS...don't reach for firearms in police confrontations? All the White folks in Austin and none of them raisin' up on police? Really. Please. 'Course they do! We just don't hear about it, 'cause regular, actual, by the book arrests don't make the news. APD, do better.

Mmmhm

Y'all know I've said it before and before. Almost every time somebody gets shot dead by APD, you can bank on the departed being one of two races, and white ain't one. 

APD officers are assaulted or attacked most often at the hands of white males. Seems like the police would be more on guard and quick to shoot them--at least then it'd be in self defense. Blacks and browns are getting dropped "in some cases by a ratio of two to one?!" That math is off as hell.

APD Under Federal Investigation
June 4, 2007   austinist.com
"Austin city leaders announced late Friday afternoon that the U.S. Department of Justice is starting an investigation into the Austin Police Department and its use of force, specifically when dealing with minorities. ... In 2004, the Austin American-Statesman analyzed police data from 1998 to 2003, revealing that Austin police had a track record of using more force against blacks and Hispanics than whites, in some cases by a ratio of two to one. " <<FULL STORY HERE>>

What the...?

If you're gonna be here, just follow the rules. We're a society governed by rules. Just follow the rules. What's so hard about that? I'm not against anybody being in this country. It's a great country. Who am I anyway? Maybe I'm insensitive on this issue. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see what's so hard about following the rules. You don't enter a country illegally and then demand rights. THAT'S INSANE!

Illegal immigrants marched on Austin (and apparently a few other major cities) today. Rallying at the state capital, fighting for rights...RIGHTS...of...illegal...undocumented...immigrants.  They fighting for rights, y'all! Why not march on Mexico City or wherever? I know immigrants come from places other than Mexico, but I'm just saying. Why not rally your own people together to try to affect change in your own countries? Hundreds (maybe more, maybe less) of immigrants come in LE.GA.LLY every day. Calm down and work through the system like everybody else! You are not en.tit.led to our resources! You're illegal!

I'm trippin' off this shit.

It's one thing to fight for rights to belong in a society you were forced (i.e. enslaved) into, but a whole different can of beans to come up here uninvited, undocumented, illegally, then complain about not being treated equally. You're not equal! You're in the country illegally! And all this bull about how our economy needs their cheap labor is bull.shit.  They don't do work that Americans won't do, they do work that Americans want to (and use to) get paid to do. The only ones besides Latin American countries benefiting from their cheap labor is whoever is illegally employing them and pocketing the overhead their saving. Feds shoulda' rounded somebody up today, but that'll never happen.

It's on my nerves.

On Racism

So Mr. Imus called the Rutgers Women's basketball team (comprised of mostly young black women) nappy headed hoes. Now, if those young women were on the basketball court actin' like whores, I could see him calling them whores--a whore is as a whore does right?

Mr. Imus says he called those girls whores because he thought he'd get a laugh...by calling black women whores--not just any women--black women. I wonder if he would have thought it funny to comment on the hair texture of a team of mostly white women and call them whores. Of course not. There's no humor in straight hair, right? There's no humor in insulting white women is there?

Today I saw a guy riding in the passenger side of a truck with the window down and his arm resting on the door. On the arm of his short-sleeved shirt, a swastika. I tried to take a picture with my camera phone, but it didn't come out. For one, I was driving, plus I was a little nervous 'cause he saw me trying to get a picture and started screaming at me. He was in the forward lane and I was turning right, but I watched my rear view mirror for the next 10 miles, 'cause I was scared they would follow me. People are crazy. Really. I know I was scared for real 'cause I got really hot and my hear beat fast and my armpits got sweaty.

Racism is alive and well y'all. The sad part is that so many people want to pretend it's not out there. Nothing but time...lots and lots of time is gonna kill that bastard (racism), and that's fugged up.

On th Flipside
If Dave Chapelle had looked at a group of black women in one of his skits and said exactly what Imus said would there have been outrage? If any black comedian had said in a stand-up act, "Man, those Rutgers women are some (you know the rest)", would there be outrage? I'm gonna say of course not, 'cause that's comedy.

There are some double standards that exist in our society regarding what is an what is not accceptable behavior that need to be addressed. Maybe then when there wouldn't be any question about why what Mr. Imus said was damaging and how he an anybody else in his shoes should be dealt with when things like this go down.